I am overwhelmed and I don’t like it. I keep telling myself, “If I can
make it through this week, I’ll be okay.” Balancing my final three
Symphony Chorus performances this weekend, on top of four final theatre
performances and a concert at the college this weekend (most of
which I will have to miss because of Chorus responsibilities),
continuing to play the waiting game on hearing from SIUE, and trying to
maintain healthy eating and sleeping routines are getting the better of
me. During last night’s dress rehearsal I’m pretty sure I had a
panic/performance anxiety attack – complete with the racing heart, rise
in temperature, and a striking fear that I was going to pass out or
throw up. It perplexes me as to why this has developed over the past
few months. In all my years of singing and performing these symptoms
have never plagued me before and frustrates me that I have felt this
way before my past few performances. I’m trusting in the Lord claiming
1 Corinthians 1:25b the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength. I’m
focusing on things I can control today – my attitude and how I can show
love to others. With the help of a little anti-anxiety medication, I
will hopefully enjoy tonight’s rehearsal more than I did last night’s.
I would appreciate your prayers for strength and courage.
This past weekend was filled with 10 1/2 hours of work (another
stressful component that could most definitely be adding to my anxious
predicament) but I was also able to squeeze in some down time to see
two new movies: Lucky You on Friday afternoon and then accompanied my friends Aaron and Sarah to see Spiderman 3 on Sunday evening.
Before leaving for work this morning, my spirit was lifted when I
discovered that the rosebush in my front yard had begun blooming. As I do each year, I
literally took the time to stop and smell the roses.