It’s not very often that I feel down, and even though this week isn’t yet over, I am physically and mentally exhausted. My mind has been overwrought with planning the next phase of my life and over the past two weeks I’ve sent out five resumes, which is a good start in applying for jobs. From what I hear this academic library search process might take up to six months. Six months…good grief.
My spirit remains hopeful in the Lord, which is about all I can really do when my subconscious wages war on my body. The week began with an encouraging sermon from my pastor as he reminded us to “leave the undone in God’s hands.” I’m really good at doing my part and then trying to do God’s part, too. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with control issues, so this bit of wisdom has encouraged my weary self.
A few weeks ago I went to see Avatar…along with millions of other people from around the world. While I’ve never been a big sci-fi person, I commend the diligent work James Cameron performed in making this movie a technological marvel. Even though I wasn’t completely overwhelmed with it I was struck, however, by the Nav’i saying, “I see you” when seeing the true essence of someone. Years ago this was an idea I latched onto after a story was shared by a speaker at our yearly Nazarene ladies retreat and it came flooding back into my mind today. You see, a small joy in my life is finding pennies on the ground. Sometimes I probably risk getting run over by a car or other human pedestrians to nab said cent, but as Benjamin Franklin said, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” And even though these little copper/zinc coins may not mean a lot to someone else, when I find a penny on the ground it makes me so happy. Yesterday, when first starting to feel rotten, I was on my way back to campus after having lunch nearby. As I stepped out of the restaurant, I found two pennies on the ground, about 20 feet apart from each other. Today as I walked on campus toward the library I found two more pennies close to the same location only a few hours apart. While some may call it happenstance, after picking up the fourth penny today I heard God whispering to my soul “I see you.” I am so thankful He sees me where I am, how He understands the state of my troubled heart and mind, and how I am so desperately trying to seek His will for my life. Today His gentle breath of “I see you” was enough to keep me going.
Scriptures speaking truth to my soul:
“We love because he first loved us.” ~ 1 John 4:19
“…train yourself to be godly.” ~ 1 Timothy 4:7b
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” ~ 2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Yes and amen.