As fall begins, the new has worn off.
Lately, lyrics from Sara Groves’ Painting Pictures of Egypt accurately resonate strongly within my heart.
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
The place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
It wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this
I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned
The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know
I truly feel “caught between the promise and the things I know.” My head knows the Lord has brought me here for a reason (other than just my job), but it’s so hard for my heart to be at rest when I think of all I left behind. (Thus the lack of motivation & desire to update my blog before now.)
Despite the gloom, there have been several exciting developments since the fall semester began.
One: I have joined the University community chorus, where we are currently in rehearsal for a performance of Handel’s Messiah in early December. One nice thing about living in Oklahoma is that people still refer to Christmas as Christmas, not just “the holidays.” Additionally, last week I took in the University wind ensemble fall concert and a community production of Cole Porter’s Kiss Me Kate. Both were balms to my spirit.
Two: there is a newly formed fiber arts guild in town, which has recently begun meeting each week. Knitters, crocheters, spinners, weavers, tatters, the list goes on and on of the yarn crafts these folks make. Last week I took an unfinished sock I had all but given up on and received some helpful pointers from a young lady who has mastered the art of knitting socks. Look for pictures of projects soon…
Three: a few weeks ago I inquired about the likelihood of there being a Beth Moore Bible study in town and found out a new study would soon start at First Baptist. We’re now in week three of one of her early studies, To Live is Christ, about the life of the apostle Paul. It’s been disappointing not really discussing anything, just watching the video. Yet it has motivated me to be in God’s Word more consistently, and for that I am thankful.
There have also been some bigger highlights over the past month or so.
One: my mom & dad visiting over Labor Day and attending a local American Indian tribe annual powwow. What a fun, moving, beautifully symbolic cultural event!
A few weeks ago I said goodbye to Mabel, my 2000 Buick LeSabre. After much decision making, Toto, a 2009 Toyota Camry, has joined the family. And what a lovely addition she is.
We have some super-duper creative folks who work in our Library! This is evident in seeing how they recreated The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine for a back to school window decoration. It had been hanging downstairs but has now found a more permanent home on the windows by our upstairs children’s collection.
Some of the same artistic folks were hard at it again during last week’s Banned Books Week. I have such strong feelings about being able to exercise our rights as Americans to have freedom to choose what we read, without repercussion of what others may or may not think. I don’t have many soap boxes in life, but this is a jumbo sized one I will gladly climb upon if you give me the chance!
The rest of the work week includes advertising the Library to several sections of freshmen in their student strategies course and celebrating the week of Homecoming. Personally, I continue to strive to “throw off everything that hinders” and “fix my eyes on Jesus,” my Hope and Giver of grace. (Hebrews 12:1-2)